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oo3. i'm gonna drink myself to death
back; harder and harder to breathe
hotfrombehind
[ locked to RED Pyro

[Goddammit, why does he keep waking up in unfamiliar beds? With the grace of a wingless bird, he slings his legs over the side of the bed and gets to his feet. His eyes scan the room and find very, very odd things: a candle lit dinner, a mini bar, a giant, red, lush bed...

Oh jesus. That's not who he thinks it is, is it? And in this place of all places? This looks like a, a...

His first instincts throw him at the door, but no matter how he pulls and tugs and smashes into it, it won't budge. And man, is he starting to sweat. What the fuck is he wearing, anyway?

Oh, god. A tux. What the fuck is wrong with this fucking town?]



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Oh Jesus Christ. This cannot be good. What is this town going to do? They better not expect us to fuck, or whatever this shit is. Jesus fucking Christ. [She keeps ripping; one third done.]

We'll be stuck here a while. Ain't that fuckin' fantastic. I do not want to be stuck in this place, wearing shit-all, with you. Fuck. [She kicks the bed, with no effect. It just keeps on vibrating.]

You think I know? Fucking bitch. [He moves to the mini bar.] Place is fucking packed with booze though, so drink your fucking heart out.

[Slides into the thing and grabs a tall glass and some vodka. He honestly doesn't know what he's doing, but he figures it oughta be strong. Maybe he'll put something fruity in it to even it out.] 'Sides, you think I wanna be fucking stuck in fucking this place with you? Ain't fucking you, even if you fucking begged.

[Scowling now, he pours his fruity drink. He also yanks off the clip on tie.]

[Three quarters done the strip.] Why would I drink? Thing I don't wanna do most right now is get drunk with a guy I barely know while I'm wearing this disgusting shit. I think I'll keep my sanity, thanks.

[She looks at him incredulously.] Says the guy who was checkin' me out earlier. Ya fucker.

You don't gotta get drunk with me. [Takes a sip of his drink. BLUH. But fuck it, alcohol is alcohol is alcohol. Chugs a bit more like a man.] Just don't wanna hafta remember this shit when it's done. God knows my memory is a goddamn asshole who likes to fuck me over in the future.

[Splutters, giving her an indignant look.] I wasn't "checkin' you out"! You were fucking wearing all this skimpy shit! Left nothing to the goddamn imagination, didn't need to fucking check you out to see nothing!

[Downs the rest of his drink with a scowl.]

[She finishes the bottle of vodka for him.] You're so fuckin' weak, Blue. You ever had achohol in your life? That still won't do much, but it should make right now less excruciatingly painful. Maybe more drink later.

[She completes her strip of sheet. turning around, she pulls in her hands and starts to undo the clasp on her bra. Which makes the coat go up past her hips. Oops.] Bullshit. You still looked. And liked. And probably looked again, ya fucker. 'Sides, you think it's my fault I'm wearin' this shit, wouldn't be caught dead!

Never really had a fucking need for alcohol, no. Don't think that makes me weak, Red, since alcohol's mostly for runnin' 'way from shit. [Sort of pouts at her before going off for another bottle of something. Well hey, how about some brandy. He keeps the bottle to himself.] I'mma just keep downing this shit 'til everything becomes hilarious.

[He tries not to watch her as she walks away from him, but his eyes betray him. How long has it been since he's even seen a woman? At least one that he wasn't working for, or was being fucked by the Spy... But when she starts shifting under his jacket, he finally smartens up enough to look away.] Fine, so I did. Whatever. Y'said it yourself, y'got a pretty big set of knockers. [Swig.] Least I gave you my fucking jacket, now you're free from my fucking lecherous eyes or what the fuck ever. Bitch.

...You're definitely gonna try and fuck me, yep. Jesus Christ. I'm just gonna not take any more until you're out, and then drink until tomorrow.

[She finishes tying the strip around her chest, and pulls her arms out. She sits on the bed, but quickly relocates to the chair opposite her counterpart; vibrating is not fun.] Really. Really. That's the excuse you're going with, "you said it yourself". Well, I could've just as easily taken the bedsheet. Asshole. Please remind me why I haven't punched you in the gut already; it's comin' soon.

I'm not gonna try t'fuck you! Jesus! I have more fuckin' courtesy than that! Jesus fucking Christ, Red, calm the fuck down! [He clears his throat, and the next time he speaks his voice is not longer raised.] So I'm not allowed to find you attractive or anything, Jesus, fine. I'll go to Scout and pick up his case of raging homosexual or whatever.

[Pyro downs more of the alcohol, staring at the counter of the mini bar.] Fucking try not to be hostile or whatever at you but guess fucking ceasefire ain't for everyone, huh. Guess we'll always just be stupid BLUs and REDs. What. The fuck. Ever.

[And there goes the rest of the bottle, along with some of Pyro's balance. He leans on the counter for support.]

[She stares at him.] Fuck, whatever. I don't even fuckin' care anymore. You do whatcha want, just don't touch me. [She doesn't even remember the last time she's been so embarrassed to show her body. Usually it's just a necessity thing that she doesn't. This is weird.]

Oh Jesus Christ. Just let me get the fuck out of here. [She pokes at the food on the table.] I'm not even sure this food is safe to eat. They prob'ly drugged it, goddammit. Oh fuck it, I might as well join ya in th' booze. [She goes to the mini-bar and pulls out a bottle of brandy and a bottle of tequila, before sitting back down in her chair.]

[He pushes the food out of the way so he can put his forehead on the table.] Who knows. Who cares. I don't. Fuck you.

It's kinda fucked up though, don'tcha think? Why'd this town put people together who ain't even fucking "married"? [He lifts his head to take another drink.] 'Mean, wouldn't've terribly minded being stuck here with th'Doc since she's nice 'n shit. Though dunno if I coulda handled her in lingerie.

[She doesn't even bother with any kind of retort. This is just getting stupid.]

Y'know, that's prob'ly why they didn't put you together. Town's fucked up like that. Prob'ly put people in pairs according to god knows what. It's prob'ly havin' fun watchin' us groan. Sadist. [She opens the bottle of tequila and begins to drain it.]

Yeah, what a fun pair we are. You and your amazingly bitchy bitch ways and my stumblin' and fuckin' up as usual, whoop de doo. Such fine entertainment, I don't see why they didn't think of this any fuckin' sooner.

[Sort of just wobbles to his feet and goes to hide out by the corner.]

Jesus Christ, ya fucker, yer gonna fall over. [She moves to help him, out of god knows what. Anyone else she'd be happy to see land on their face or ass, but she can't stand watching him.]

Get the fuck away from me.

[He shoots her a tired glare over his shoulder, just daring her to get any closer.]

Fuck, Jesus. Fine, whatever. Serves me right fer tryin' t' help.

[She sits back down on her chair, and finishes her bottle of tequila. Time to open up the brandy now.]

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